You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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