Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You are a genius and a whore.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
