I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
