is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he was CRYING into my vagina
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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