Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
