Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
