Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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