those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
