I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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