Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
