he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
