I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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