whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
