Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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