It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
