she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
smell my finger.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
