He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
