why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
