I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
