So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
