after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
