i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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