we have officially lost it.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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