ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
honey bunches of taint.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
