no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
