I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
