I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You took a bar mat shot.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
