how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
