She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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