Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
