I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
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