If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
