The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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