i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
