What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
