i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
