my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
