New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
