I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
