your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
