please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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