In America we eat man semen.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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