There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
