it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
