I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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