I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I fill condoms, not promises.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
