he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
