guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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