Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
