Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just invented taco cereal.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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